Before contemplating a divorce option, both parties should ideally exhaust all other options to ensure the relationship is no longer salvageable, and only then should the idea of divorce entertained. Even then divorce is not something that can be initiated easily as there are quite a few requirements that should be adhered to before such proceeding can take place.

The following are some of the elements that would have to be considered and understood as the basis of divorce: Before most divorce proceedings can be initiated, most legal recourses would want the couple to show that they have exhausted all other means of trying to work things out with the intention of keeping the relationship.

These would include sessions of counseling, intervention of both legal and friendly sources to help put the marriage back on the positive road and any other help to trying and keep the marriage from actual divorce. However is divorce is inventible, then other elements such as the marital property and debts would have to be sorted out and agreed upon to avoid any possible hiccups during the process of the divorce proceedings.

Depending on the individual couple’s circumstances, these proceedings can be very easy or very difficult to facilitate. If there are children in the equation, their well-being and other connective issues such as relocation, mental and physical changes to adapt to, would also need consideration and where the relevant adjustments would have to be seriously contemplated.

Abuse should never be allowed

In some cases divorce becomes the only recourse to seek and one of the main contributing factors that would call for such drastic measure would be taken would be the existence of abuse within the framework of the marriage. When there is any sign of abuse having to be endured and this is supported with relevant and indisputable evidence, then the divorce proceeding should and could be contemplated without much problems.

However it should be noted that in almost all cases the onus would have to be on the individual in question to prove without any doubt, that there is some level of abuse currently having to be endured within the framework of the existing marriage circumstances. This abuse does not necessarily only have to be of the physical kind, as mental abuse is also considered to be just as destructive and its consequences difficult to live down or adjust too.

Physical abuse is easier to identify and support with very clear and proper evidence, however in comparison, mental abuse can be much harder to detect let alone substantiate with the relevant evidence needed for cycle of court proceedings to be engaged. It is an argumentative point of contention as to where and how this abuse element can be tagged or defined unless the abuse takes on and shows very clear visible negative results.

However if there are no clear visible evidence of the said abuse taking place, it is often and uphill battle to prove the existence of abuse within the relationship especially and both parties are unable to agree on the basis that constitute abuse. This then leads to other issues such as how long and how far has the presence of the abuse impacted the framework of the marriage.

Has counseling been tried?

Counseling is another requirement that should be explored and exhausted before any court proceedings will be allowed to be proceeded upon in terms of filing for divorce. In most cases there are a lot of avenues that would have to be explored before any court would be willing to hear a case that is requesting for the action of divorce to be initiated.

Ideally and commonly categorized as a tool to help save a marriage and stopping it from heading to the divorce courts, marriage counseling can also be used to facilitate a more peaceful and speedy way of going through the divorce proceedings while attempting to limit the impact of negativity on both parties and any other connecting elements that would require significant adjustments because of the divorce.

Strange as it may seem, sometimes these counseling session will help the couple who are really focused on divorce, to work out issues in a calm and less defensive manner, thus facilitating a higher level of calmness and civility within the divorce process. However the prime reason for seeking some form of counseling is still the main way to try and save the marriage and get back some of the original “spark” into the relationship.

The counselor can come in the form of professional individual who are specifically trained in this area, people who are experienced volunteers who form support groups, religious help and any other legalized help that would contribute positively to salvaging the marriage and bringing back to a more acceptable level of existence.

The sessions are usually designed to allow both parties of vocalize their feeling and thoughts in a protective and conducive environment while having the expertise of the counselor present to help them through this process. Having an outsider who has no particular hidden agenda and who is trained to stay neutral does help in the rather confusing and trying circumstances.

Are you staying just for the children?

There are a lot of people that stay in a bad marriage for the sake of the children. This has its own advantages and disadvantages, but if not handled well the negative impact that is usually caused by this disharmonious feelings within the marriage framework, will end up causing more damage that good to all those involved.

Staying in a bad marriage, for the sake of the kids can be worse that actually going ahead and filing for divorce. The first style keeps everyone together but in a rather stressful environment of coexistence, while the latter contemplates the possibility of a clean and complete break between the couple with efforts to limit the negative impact this break will make on the children.

Sometimes staying in a bad marriage can have a lot of negative consequences that would be rather hard to live with, as these would eventually add to the already dire mental and physical situation the marriage is in and in most cases would not be very healthy for the children and the adults involved. This is made even worse when both parties are agreeable that there is no chance of saving the marriage and both parties are willing to acknowledge that the marriage per say in now completely and thoroughly over.

Excerpted from the book Divorce Dynamics.

This excerpt has been edited and condensed for clarity.

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