There's an ongoing debate - that can actually become quite emotional and vocal - that tried to determine whether or not a relative should throw the baby shower. Traditionally, the view has been that a relative should not throw a baby shower, because it can appear that the relative is requesting gifts.
Yet traditions change, and there are times when a sibling, or a cousin, or an aunt might be the ideal and somewhat convenient choice. So what should you do? To answer this, we can respond with the best, and sometimes most unsatisfying answer of them all: it depends. Sorry, but it really does depend.
If you hail from a rather traditional or conventional background, it may be wise to see that a non-relative is in charge of the baby shower. In addition, even if you, personally, are comfortable with a relative throwing the baby shower, some of your guests - who may be less comfortable with it than you - may object (or just whisper about it behind your back).
Use your judgment here. Perhaps the most practical advice is this: if you can conveniently and pleasantly not have relative run things, then that will likely be the best route to go. However, if that's just not possible, plausible, or preferred, then don't feel like you're someone from outer space because you're related to the mother-to-be.
More and more people are breaking with tradition; especially since they feel that the perception of a relative “asking for gifts” arguably doesn't exist anymore. Gifts (which we talk about further on in this book) are rather integral to baby showers; it's quite hard to imagine one without gifts.
Since that is the case, whether a relative requests them from those attending the baby shower, or a non-relative requests them, arguably isn't important to those attending. They're likely focused on what the baby shower should focus on: the mother to-be, and a wonderful opportunity to share in her joy.
When the shower should happen
This is an important question to ask, and of course, to answer. And as usual, there are a few different viewpoints on when to hold the baby shower. Fortunately, however, these views aren't as debatable as they sometimes are when it comes to whether a relative or non-relative should hold the baby shower (as we discussed above).
So don't worry; this is a rather easy and straightforward challenge to solve. Now, the real problem here is simply that there isn't a clear answer to the question: when should the shower happen? The answer to this will almost always depend on factors that are specific to the mother-to-be, the guests, and other issues.
So rather than providing a “one-size-fits-all” answer here - which is something that we can't do without knowing the details of your particular baby shower - let's just look at the variables. Once you know these, you'll easily be able to determine when the baby shower should be held.
The Mother-to-Be - Let's start with mother-to-be. She may have a preference about when the shower should be held; and this preference should be heeded. The father-to-be might also provide input here, which is wonderful and should be part of the overall decision-making process (we take a closer look at “couples” baby-showers later on in this book).
What kinds of things might influence a mother-to-be's preference on when the shower should be held? Some of them prefer to have the shower when they're showing; they may feel that there's something more appropriate (for lack of a better word) about holding a shower when people can actually see that a baby is on the way. In practical terms, this means that a shower might be held well into the second trimester, or into the third.
How to go about sending out invitations
A good rule of thumb here is to work with the mother (and ideally, the father) to-be in order to decide who should attend, and who should be left off the list. This is a delicate scenario and can cause a number of minor headaches (even some major ones).
The problem is, simply, that while it would be ideal to invite everyone who would want to attend, that's just not practical; either economically, or simply in terms of planning. Ultimately, decisions will have to be made, and if you can work with the parents-to-be to make these decisions, the chances of making wise ones will increase.
Once you've figured out who to invite - and this process can take a few days of thinking and rethinking - the next step is to send out the invitations. Ensure that you do this well in advance of the baby shower. There are two major reasons for this. Firstly, you want to give your invitees enough lead time to that if they do have something planned on the baby shower date that they can, if they wish, move those plans in order to attend.
If you don't provide them with enough notice, even if they want to change their existing plans, they might not be able to. Secondly, you want to give people enough time to RSVP (i.e. confirm their attendance).
Some people are not the most organized people in the world, and as such they might not RSVP right away. As such, you want to give them a bit of time to get to this on their ever-growing TO-DO list.
Now, there's another issue here that we should discuss. Some people think, or just assume really, that if you don't RSVP, that means you aren't attending. That's actually not technically correct. RSVP doesn't mean (even in the French language from where it comes) that someone is going to attend. It simply means: please get back to me on this.
Excerpted from the book How To Have A Roaringly Successful Baby Shower by Wings Of Success .
This excerpt has been edited and condensed for clarity.
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