Your guide to an amazing communication
Communication Basics
Learning how to communicate effectively and without any negative connotations or emotions will help to create an ideal platform for both parties to be comfortable in. the following are some effective ways to adopt or in some cases avoid to be able to establish some form of effective communication within the relationship:
Avoid using the cold shoulder or silent treatment tool. This almost always never works and certainly does not help the situation at all. There is a need to speak at some point during this situation as most people would attest to the fact that they are sincerely unsure as to why there is a negative situation in the first place.
Therefore by actually taking the trouble to communicate clearly and effectively, both parties will be privy to the actual cause of the current ugly situation and then will be able to move forward in a productive and positive manner. Learning how to communicate with respect for each other is another very important element to include in the communication exercise. Making unpleasant and degrading remarks will only contribute negatively to an already unpleasant situation.
Therefore in trying to get the concerns across and understood, there should be some level of dignity and respect present in the choice of words used. Trying to hurt the other party as much as possible may seem satisfactory for the movement but it is rarely a good long-term solution and might even damage the relationship beyond repair.
Take time to communicate in person
Due to the busy lifestyle of most people, it has become a rather normal practice to communicate within the marriage relationship by means other than actual verbal communication. This is a very dangerous habit to form as eventually both parties will take the time or make the effort to verbally communicate at all, and this certainly spells disaster.
Face to face
The following are some tips on how to go about ensuring that verbal communication is a vital part of the exchange within the confines of a healthy and happy marriage: Setting aside a specific amount of time to focus on verbal communication is sometimes very necessary for the couple to be able to maintain some level of intimacy through the communication exercise.
This time allotted allows both parties to speak their minds and heart and make each other be understood in a non-threatening manner. Doing so in an atmosphere that is both welcoming and comfortable without any distractions would be worth exploring as it will help to keep both parties focused on each other and on what is being said.
Preparing oneself to be able to communicate in a non-combative manner is also important. Taking the trouble and effort to be loving and nurturing when communicating will encourage both parties to be more receptive to what is being discussed. Using endearing terms and a lot of encouragement will also help to facilitate a better exchange.
Maintaining a friendly and loving verbal exchange will allow for more things to be accomplished. Listening is also part of being immersed in the verbal form of communication. Without the ability to listen, both parties will not be able to understand the communication session and neither will any positive outcome be achieved. The ability to simply listen will clearly show respect for the other party.
Tune in to body language
It is sometimes necessary to be able to read into the body language of the other party to better understand what is going on and how to best deal with any surfacing situation. Learning how to read the various body language signs will also allow each party to better understand and interpret the partner’s wants and needs and work accordingly to accommodate them as far as possible.
Understand
The following are some popular body language signs that can be used to tip off the other party as to the current mindset and general disposition of each other: Eyes clamped shut, stiffness in the neck and shoulders generally depict an individual who is either upset or not happy with something. These signals can be used to effectively help to defuse any situation before it goes out of hand and to also help to divert the person’s attention to something more pleasurable and less upsetting.
This often takes the individual experiencing negativity away from the offending situation and thus encourages a better frame of mind. It should be noted that not all body language signals are negative. When an individual is in a sexy mood there are also some subtle and not-so-subtle body language moves that will allow the other party to respond accordingly should they wish to.
This is important to learn as it will help bring the couple closer when such displays of body language attempts are well-read and acted upon. In most cases when the response is favorable, the party using the body language skills to communicate will be so encouraged and happy, that they would in all likelihood make it worthwhile and pleasurable for the responding party. This of course will heighten the communication mode to a deeper and more fulfilling experience.
Learn to be a good listener
Learning to be a good listener certainly has its advantages and more often than not it allows the individual to seem like a very caring and considerate person. This is definitely worth learning how to achieve as most people appreciate a good listener over a good talker.
Understanding that listening is anything but a passive activity is a good place to start. Neither is listening expected to be an activity that is neutral and nothing else. In fact, good listeners are able to come up with good workable solutions as they are able to understand and follow the various contributing factors to any particular situation being discussed. Developing the skill of being able to listen carefully also allows the individual to “hear” things that are not really being verbalized and yet are important enough to need attention.
Sometimes these unspoken bits of information can be more informative than what is actually being said through the conversation, and when these bits of information allow the listener to act in a manner that is both soothing and helpful to the speaker, a huge amount of positive effects can be experienced. Good listeners are usually people who are able to eventually become wise people.
Listening takes a certain level of restraint and thus allows the person to mull over the matter being verbalized before making any judgment calls or giving any response. By simply listening, the person is actually allowing the other party to vent everything and anything until fully satisfied. After this happens the person will then be more receptive to any advice or comments made, thus allowing for some type of solution to be made. Two people taking and trying to get their thoughts and views across will not in any way help an already delicate situation.
Excerpted from the book The Marriage Master.
This excerpt has been edited and condensed for clarity.
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