Marriage Basics

Being able to have all these good qualities within the marriage relationship will allow both parties to live comfortably and peacefully with each other and this should ideally be the ultimate goal to look towards achieving.

The Basics

However because of the many challenges in life this may often be quite difficult to focus on enjoying the marriage relationship without some conscious practices that will help keep both parties focused on the good elements within the relationship rather than on its negativity.

Most experts would attest to the fact that perhaps the most important element that should be prevalent within the marriage relationship should be communication. Good communication has always been rated as the most important ingredient to cultivate if the marriage is to have a reasonable fighting chance in succeeding.

This simple yet very powerful tool allows both parties to be fully aware of each other’s thought, dreams, perceptions, needs, wants, and a host of other informative bits of information that will allow both of them to coexist, create and maintain a strong relationship that will last for the long run. The ability to be emphatic is also another good quality to practice.

This element within the “team” will help both parties be more in tune with each other’s feelings thus creating a more giving rather than simply taking attitude. Everyone would like to be treated with respect and dignity, and this is even more important as the marriage ages. Most couples tend to make the mistake of taking each other for granted and this is usually the main cause for frustration within the partnership.

Explore your personal values

Every individual should have their own value system in place and this is usually formed as the individual ages from a young adult into a more matured and productive participant in society. Having good values in place will help the person through life’s journey and will be guiding point for most decisions made.

What is expected?

Being able to explore the values of an individual and as a couple would be something that would be worth doing for many reasons of which compatibility would be the most important one to consider.

Having compatible values will not only make the growth of the relationship more positive and workable, it will also help to keep them committed to the relationship through thick and thin.These values will help to define how both parties within the relationship think, behave, and look upon each other thus making it the driving force behind the relationship.

Some of the core elements that would define an individual’s value system would have to include ambition, competency, individuality, equality, service, responsibility, respect, dedication, accountability, empowerment, wisdom, independence, persistency, optimism, flexibility and a host of other connective mental and physical thought processes.

Most values are made up as the individual goes through various experiences in life or through family values being passed on. These values are seen clearly through the way an individual functions in daily life and this is a very good way to gauge a person’s suitability as a potential partner within a relationship.

Having good values in place and also having the values that are compatible or complimenting will help both parties feel more comfortable and relaxed within the relationship. This is especially important when there are major decisions to be made as a couple, where the values would play a pivotal role in the process.

Decide what you will not put up with

When two people decide to get into a relationship, there are several adjustments that will often be made and most of these adjustments are fairly easy to accommodate and live with.

Make Choices

However when it comes to making a complete change, this expectancy can be rather unrealistic as some things or habits are not easy to change no matter what the circumstances are. When it comes to elements such as values, it would be very hard indeed to get the person to change overnight or even at all.

Initially it may not be a good idea to impose on the other party all the things that are acceptable and not acceptable for the individual. However in the long run, this is probably a very good idea as it will save a lot of time and perhaps even some heartache, if both parties find that they are unable or unwilling to change certain things about themselves.

If this is understood and accepted early on within the new relationship, then both parties will be able to move on to a stronger and more focused level. Therefore in the interest of keeping sane within a relationship, both parties should be forthcoming with what they are willing to put up with and what they are not willing to compromise on.

This level of honesty will certainly help both parties to understand each other better and to decide if there is any future in pursuing this partnership. It is very important to note, that going into a relationship with the intention of trying to change the other party would be an uphill battle and almost always detrimental to the relationship. Thus the need to decide and accept or leave the relationship before it gets too difficult to do so.

Develop a mental image of your ideal mate

Most people have some idea of what they want they future partner to be like and subconsciously seek such a person out during the course of the dating game.

What do you see?

Not all people succeed in finding the exact match and sometimes tend to settle for the next best available option. However with a mental image firmly in place, the individual will be able to make a concerted effort in the right direction and will probably be in a better position to make a good pick.

The following are some of the elements that should ideally make up the demeanor of the ideal mate: Maturity – this is of course a very important element to posses, as mature individuals tend to make more stable mates and are definitely more reliable and experienced in handling the various complications within a relationship.

This will further benefit in many ways, if the relationship eventually evolves into marriage and having kids. Openness – being open is another good quality to look for in a mate. The ability to be impartial and open about any and all things will give both parties to option to explore various issues without the threat of getting into an argument or even worse affecting the relationship negatively.

Honestly and integrity – are ideal traits to possess as these too will have a positive impact on the relationship. This is especially useful when faced with painful decisions or situations where honesty and integrity will allow the situation to be resolved in the best possible way while decreasing any impact of negativity with the said decision made.

Affectionate – for some people this is a very natural disposition to have and express, while for other it may be something of a challenge to express themselves or receive affection without being uncomfortable in some way or another.

Excerpted from the book The Perfect Partner.

This excerpt has been edited and condensed for clarity.

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