You do not need to let anger to have control over you. In this chapter, you will learn:-

• Basic life skills to avoid temper flares
• Being angry but still keeping cool
• Cooling down when vexed
• Understanding diverse ways of expressing anger in a bid to eliminate it
• Detailed practical steps for you to consider

Basic life skills to avoid temper flares

This therapeutic technique works for many people and is one of the easiest to go by. When one requires you to fulfill an order which is too demanding for to bear with then it would be recommendable to give an ironic answer for such a confrontation instead of getting mad. For instance, you can make a rejoinder by asking whether the individual needs such absurd demands to be ‘served from a dish.’

Another self-help technique that would assist you in conquering anger outburst by learning how to sufficiently relax, along with accepting the situation as it is while taking care not to let temperatures flare. Some conditions which are more likely to result in bursts of physical outrage are when the neighbor accidentally leaves trash just beside your doorstep.

Instead of attacking the person with hands clenched it would be more reasonable to ask him/her about what led to such actions. Get to know the reason behind certain acts instead of just throwing tantrums. When using humor, one should try to make fun out of negative circumstances.

Try to validate what did happen like it was in reality preventing one from creating a relative much greater mistake. For example, if your parking spot was picked up by someone else it can be worthwhile to generalize that this is even better since the car could have been stolen were it not for the person picking up your spot.

Doing things on your own would also help a great deal in cooling down situations which could have otherwise turned out to be very severe. For instance, if the neighbor is indifferent by nature then one can decide to keep the surroundings clean on the person’s behalf with a humorous mindset, instead of complaining and not changing the situation.

When an issue has been solved then you should consider yourself as a great hero who is able to solve hitches that have been initiated with others devoid of quarrelling and only making matters worse than they ought to be. Doing something different once in a while would assist in helping you get to feel much better and avoid stressful situations that act as a seething pot for commencement of anger.

Give relevant explanations in regards to whatever did occur to you. Substantiate individual’s behaviors or just make fun of whichever thing that’s wrong and have a positive mindset that nothing would be able to eliminate your superior disposition or courage.

It is only a fine-tuned positive mind frame that would effortlessly eradicate your emotional tempest and nervousness for whichever situation. If this is appropriately practiced then one would always be in a joyous mood and be in a position to live a convenient life and make wise decision devoid of anger bouts.

Being angry but still keeping cool

It would be a big lie for one to say that he/she doesn’t get mad in the course of day to day life. As long as we were relating with others then they are bound to get in our nerves unintentionally. Remember that you also do the same without knowing. The best thing to do in such circumstances is staying cool and calm and trying as much as possible to control anger tantrums. Simply put, you need to learn how to control anger rather than letting it do the opposite.

1. Take a quick deep breath. Immediately someone says or acts in a way that is supposedly offensive to you the best thing to do is breathing in sporadically. You will also need to wait for at least 10 seconds prior to taking any step. One needs to be still and sufficiently think through the matter before commencing with any course of action. This will take time & practice but will surely pay in the long run.
2. Clarify the situation, then try as much as possible to explain circumstances in accordance to another individual’s perspective, and not your own. This would help the offended person have a broader perspective on the issue than what was initially at his mind.
3. You need to look at a provoking situation from three rather than two corners of a coin. Maybe the person who wronged you didn’t intend to do so at first and it is you who had misunderstood this individual’s actions. Shun the habit of repeatedly thinking only about yourself as in some cases you may be the one that’s wrong. Many offences are simple misunderstandings that one can get well through when time is taken out to understand the situation in-depth.
4. Keep a composed voice and considerable tone that will not make it clear to others that you are angry. When one is angry more often than not it will show with the individual’s tonal inclination. Afterwards yells would follow and the person would start saying thing which they didn’t mean at first. It is not appropriate for one to lash out whatever words which come to the mouth then think that later he/she would apologize to the offended person and expect to be forgiven instantaneously.
5. If worse comes to worse just walk away since it is the easiest and most effective way to avoid a conflict. It is better to vent anger all on your own rather than including another person and making matters blow well out of proportion. When you are far from the offender you can proceed to yell the loudest, scream or even talk by yourself so as to vent out excess steam. Once you feel calm again is when you can now take the courage to face the offender.

Cooling down when vexed

Sometimes people do stress themselves way too much and this only makes anger outbursts blow way out of proportion. At such instances the best thing that one should do is just trying to remain as calm & cool as is possible.

You can consider keeping yourself as busy as is possible to avoid instances where you will be thinking about the person who offended you. Anger management experts have pointed out that at times one of the best cures needed for effective healing is just keeping our minds occupied.

You can take a brisk walk across the park, do some washing or read a book just to keep the mind sufficiently occupied. This will assist in keeping the mind far off from disturbing thoughts which are key culprits of anger. Clamorous settings will only serve to rouse up your anger.

The most favorable thing to do when in a disturbing mental state is finding yourself some quite room to settle up your thoughts. If you are in a noisy setting walk out and find somewhere quieter. Allocate yourself some time alone for several minutes and shut off the rest who may be getting into your nerves.

Excerpted from the book Eliminating Anger.

This excerpt has been edited and condensed for clarity.

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