Even relationships need the projecting mindset. It is not enough that you just plan to do things. You need to stay determined and change how your mind perceives things in order to ensure the best for your relationship. Here are some tips to help you get the right mindset for your relationship.

A right set of mind leads to a relationship that will make you feel right

Having an incorrectly projected mindset can negatively affect your relationship and yourself alike. If you always think that there is no reason for you to be loved by anyone or that others will leave you when they get to know you, you will end up being a taker and a needy partner.

Before you know it, you are already proving yourself right, with your partner no longer wanting to stay by your side. Of course, this is not what you want to happen but once you continue depriving yourself of the good things, you will never be able to share and give because you feel empty within.

Healthy relationships are those that share and give and if you will keep thinking negatively, there is no chance for your relationship to be healthy. To help you out, here are some tips that will help you have the right projecting mindset that will take your relationship towards a better direction.

Never Assume

Assuming can take you to places and sadly, those places are not happy ones. Assuming is like a poison that can consume your mind and it is not something good. For instance, your previous partner tends to send secret emails to others when you are not looking which led to a breakup. You then found a new one and when you see your present partner checking the email, you instantly assume that he/she is just the same with your previous partner.

You jump in and start accusing when the truth is the email is only work related and nothing else. It is important that not all persons are the same and the flaw of a previous partner might not necessarily be the same fault of your present one. Jumping into conclusions right away will push your partner away from you before you even know it.

Live and stay in the now

Trying to relive the past is not good, same with excessively focusing on the future. There are some who got so stuck with their past that their existence is almost mandatory. Meanwhile, there are also those who live only for the future, with their lives already planned out. It is good that you take some important lessons from your past and use them for your present, or plan for a trip that you have long been waiting for.

But, never let the past take full control of your present in the same way that you should not plan for every single detail for your future. Living and staying in the now will let things fall into the right places as they are supposed to, with your decisions being based on your present and not on your past or what you want to be in your future.

Be grateful

One of the secrets for projecting the right mindset is by being grateful for what you have in life and where you are at present. Thanking the blessings that your relationship has in the moment will help you project more positivity in your life and save you from the being drowned in the adversities that might come your way. Projecting the right mindset is easy so long as you and your partner help one another towards the direction that you want your relationship to take.

Build compassion

One of the key components of a successful relationship is being compassionate towards one another. When you feel like your relationship is lacking this one important aspect, this is the best time for you to start learning how you can put compassion back to you and your partner’s lives.

A relationship with compassion is a relationship with happiness

People who are compassionate are people who are happier. Couples feel compassion for one another have more understanding and joy in their relationships. Compassion, the combination of consideration, kindness, concern, and empathy, is considered as the cornerstone for people who want to have a fulfilling love life.

When you feel down and sad, the simplest gesture of compassion from your partner can already bring so much difference to your mood. Encouraging words and warm hugs can already vanish any discomfort that you might feel.

Having someone to hold your hand, giving you the emotional support you need through staying by your side, can easily ease away any pain, whatever it might be about. Relationships that lack compassion tend to be harsh. Once this happens, interactions will be less caring, leading to the building up of resentments that can make you feel as if you are the only one who is in that relationship.

Development and expression of compassion can establish a safe zone for your love as well as other feelings and issues which might come your way. Nothing can replace your partner’s sympathy or soft touch. This is something that can heal the two of you, something that creates that emotional security that you have never even thought you needed in the first place.

Building compassion is very easy, with desire being the first element. Here, it is important to ask your partner about the needs that he or she might have and then explain your very own needs. Through such discussion, it will be easier to show compassion to one another because both of you know where your energy should be focused.

The second thing that might be a bit challenging is to commit yourself to always keep compassion intact in any dialogue. A compassionate relationship is devoid of harshness and once this actually occurs, the two of you need to pinpoint and shut this down right away so that you will be able to return to relating using the right manner.

A simple but effective exercise for enhancing compassion is looking into one another’s eyes. While movies might have extremely romanticized this action, this seldom happens in the modern relationships. Instead of looking intently on the television, stop and look deeply into your partner’s eyes and sense the emotions that he or she has in order to create more compassion and depth.

It is good to show compassion but it is better to be compassionate. If your mate shares a problem with you and you show concern, you make your partner aware that you will not only be there but at the same time, you also care about what your partner is going through.

It is something that your partner will feel and will also return this kind of gesture in the same way that you did. Make sure that you build and practice compassion as an essential part of your day to day loves. Nothing is more palpable than knowing that your partner cares for you in the same way that you do.

Excerpted from the book Relationships Maintenance.

This excerpt has been edited and condensed for clarity.

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