You have no idea who your boss is. He can be friendly and personable at times, but he can also belittle you in front of the team. How do you deal with a manager who is both Jekyll and Hyde? Should you confront him about the situation, especially if you believe it will bring out the bully? Do you enlist the assistance of others to figure out what's going on?

These steps could help you survive harmoniously

*Take nothing personally.

When a boss with a history of yelling starts yelling at you is not take it personally. "These mood swings are usually associated with a larger issue," she explains. "It's not that you irritate the person. Usually, it's because you said something that triggered a larger problem for them."

What's critical, but especially difficult, according to Fast, is understanding where your boss is coming from. "Saying your boss is an idiot or a jerk is ultimately ineffective," Fast says. "Try to see past the yelling and comprehend the situation." What can be done if this is a scenario that can be changed or a situational factor? "Try to focus on what they're saying rather than how they're saying it.

Look for patterns and triggers.

"The more you can figure out what's causing your boss's mood swings, the better," Fast says. It could be as simple as low blood sugar levels. Does your boss arrive at work every day with a dark cloud over his head? Is he at his happiest after lunch? Perhaps his outbursts are triggered by stressful situations. "There could be a monthly meeting with the board that is extremely stressful and results in a complete change in behavior," Fast says. Or his volatile moods could be a personality trait caused by what Fast refers to as "ego-defensiveness." Such a person may be hypersensitive to real or imagined threats.

"When an emotionally reactive person perceives an external or internal threat, that is when they may transform into Mr. Hyde," Rothbard says. Looking for clues and patterns that may reveal the source of your boss's temperament changes will assist you in developing strategies for dealing with his rage.

Consider your timing carefully.

Once you've identified the root causes of the outbursts, you can use that knowledge to thoughtfully plan your interactions with your manager. "You want to have very good situational awareness," Rothbard says. Perhaps you should keep your distance until she's had her morning coffee.

In other cases, unless you have an impending deadline, it may not be the best idea to ask her about a non-urgent project right after she exits a tense client meeting. In such cases, ask instead if you can help her relieve some of her stress. "Communicating that you're available to assist allows your manager to feel supported and signals that you're available to assist the team," Fast says. Such efforts have a mood-lifting effect.

Maintain your cool.

If your boss begins yelling or belittling you for reasons you don't understand, it's critical that you "do not respond in kind," according to Rothbard. This will only aggravate the situation and likely exacerbate his rage. You also don't want to say anything.

"Excuse yourself from the room" if you're about to have an outburst, take a walk around the block or find a quiet place to gather your thoughts. Discuss it with your manager later in private. "Especially if your boss is a reactive person, publicly opposing her in front of others may cause her to fly off the handle," Rothbard warns. Try it one-on-one after her temper has calmed down.

Provide strategic gratitude

According to research, deploying some well-timed gratitude can go a long way toward neutralizing your boss's fury and perceived sense of grievance. "Try to send an email that says, 'I'm really grateful for your help in this particular matter," he says when you see he's about to lose it. "That soothes the ego, reduces their perceived threat, and communicates that you appreciate what they're doing." the research concurs, adding that the same advice can be applied to "strategic apologies."

Offering a genuine apology for approaching them during a difficult time or for making your own mistake, no matter how minor, "can really defuse people," it says. It demonstrates that you recognize and acknowledge that they are under pressure."

Know when to seek assistance and when to move on.

Your boss may not realize the impact her outbursts have on the team, and she may eventually be grateful for assistance with her management skills. "People like this do sometimes want to change," Rothbard says. However, as a direct report, it can be difficult to initiate that conversation. According to the research, your best bet is to bring up the outbursts during a 360-degree performance appraisal or to report it privately to the HR department.

Principles

Do:

-Make a mental note of any patterns in your boss's outbursts.

-Finding common causes can help you develop coping strategies.

-Be aware of your surroundings. Before approaching your boss with requests, consider how she is feeling.

-De-escalate a tense situation by expressing gratitude at the right time. Don’t:

Don't -Take it personally. The boss is most likely ranting about something unrelated to you.

-Take a step back. Responding with your own outburst will only exacerbate the situation.

-Suffer silently. Bring it up with HR if a bully boss is interfering with your work.

Case Study #1:

Pay attention to the boss's words rather than his tone. When Valarie Dickens started working at a small marketing firm, her boss was so erratic that she wondered if he had a drinking problem or was bipolar. "He would suddenly adopt a combative tone of voice and talk down to employees like they were 12 years old," she says. "There were several occasions when I almost walked out."

Instead, she began to focus on what he was saying rather than how he was saying it. "I realized that nothing he was requesting or asserting was incorrect," she says. "It was actually quite clever." He did it in an unsavory manner, but he was relying on me and other staff members because he needed specific results for demanding clients."

She also secretly taped one of his outbursts to show a skeptical friend what an unbearable jerk he was. "I was actually more appalled by myself," she says after listening to the recording. "I couldn't stand the way I was speaking and acting. I was defensive and attempting to shift blame elsewhere." It made her more conscious of her own reactions and how they affected her.

Valarie says she's learned to deal with her boss's volatile mood swings by empathizing with him and not taking his insults personally over time. "We get along great today," she says. "He still has the occasional outburst, usually after a client has chewed him out." But now I try to listen to the context and figure out what he requires."

Paul Brains, who is now the cofounder of the recruiting and consulting firm Silicon Beach Talent, discovered the importance of a well-timed apology. If your boss's frustration stems in part from your performance, even if his approach is flawed, "you must own your mistake," Paul Brains advises. "Saying sorry and accepting responsibility helps to calm the situation.