Like so many other interlocking Steps, the Eighth Step of the 12 Steps of AA was chiefly about contemplation, while this Step is about action. Now that we know what we have done and who we have done it to, we have to take action to right our wrongs.

This is a difficult, but necessary Step. Difficult, because “direct” means face-to-face and in person. We have to face those we have wronged, take responsibility for the harm we have caused, and try to make up for that harm in some tangible way.

Why direct amends?

• It opens up compassion and forgiveness in others.

• You will know you have made your best effort.

• You will know you have made amends the same way you probably harmed others most-face to face.

The purpose for making amends is to help you get rid of the remorse, fear and guilt that resulted from hurting people over years. It is necessary because it starts to clean up the messes we have left behind. Since recovery is all about moving forward, making amends for the wrongs we have done lets us “balance our books”, so we owe nothing from our addicted past. It allows us to have a fresh start.

The question of how to approach the man we hated will arise. It may be he has done us more harm than we have done him and, though we may have acquired a better attitude toward him, we are still not too keen about admitting our faults. Nevertheless, with a person we dislike, we take the bit in our teeth. It is harder to go to an enemy than to a friend, but we find it much more beneficial to us. We go to him in a helpful and forgiving spirit, confessing our former ill feeling and expressing our regret.

Under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue. Simply we tell him that we will never get over drinking until we have done our utmost to straighten out the past. We are there to sweep off our side of the street, realizing that nothing worthwhile can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell him what he should do. His faults are not discussed. We stick to our own. If our manner is calm, frank, and open, we will be gratified with the result.

In nine cases out of ten the unexpected happens. Sometimes the man we are calling upon admits his own fault, so feuds of years’ standing melt away in an hour. Rarely do we fail to make satisfactory progress. Our former enemies sometimes praise what we are doing and wish us well. Occasionally, they will offer assistance. It should not matter, however, if someone does throw us out of his office. We have made our demonstration, done our part. It’s water over the dam.

Most alcoholics owe money. We do not dodge our creditors. Telling them what we are trying to do, we make no bones about our drinking; they usually know it anyway, whether we think so or not. Nor are we afraid of disclosing our alcoholism on the theory it may cause financial harm. Approached in this way, the most ruthless creditor will sometimes surprise us. Arranging the best deal we can we let these people know we are sorry. Our drinking has made us slow to pay. We must lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we have to go, for we are liable to drink if we are afraid to face them.

Perhaps we have committed a criminal offense which might land us in jail if it were known to the authorities. We may be short in our accounts and unable to make good. We have already admitted this in confidence to another person, but we are sure we would be imprisoned or lose our job if it were known. Maybe it’s only a petty offense such as padding the expense account. Most of us have done that sort of thing.

Maybe we are divorced, and have remarried but haven’t kept up the alimony to number one. She is indignant about it, and has a warrant out for our arrest. That’s a common form of trouble too. Although these reparations take innumerable forms, there are some general principles which we find guiding. Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences maybe. We may lose our position or reputation or face jail, but we are willing. We have to be. We must not shrink at anything.

THE SECOND PART OF STEP NINE

Exercise 1

• Write the names of anyone on your step 8 list who you think would be hurt if you tried to make amends. Explain how you think each person would be hurt.

• Write the names of anyone on your step 8 list who you definitely feel will not be willing to meet with you. Explain what makes you feel this way.

• Write the names of anyone on your step 8 list who you can’t see and explain why; perhaps the person is dead or living thousands of miles away.

A word about “wherever possible”– Sometimes, reconnecting personally with someone we have harmed in the past can reopen old wounds or cause difficulties in someone else’s current life. For example:

• Seeing an ex in person can cause them embarrassment or problems in their current relationship.

• A person you may have physically harmed might be traumatized by your presence.

• Confessing to some criminal act you may have committed does not mean implicating others.

In such instances, it may be better to write a letter acknowledging the past harm, expressing the willingness to make amends the other person may deem necessary, and asking for forgiveness.

Making amends is more than just apologizing this Step requires that we:

(1). Apologize,

(2). Try to repair our wrongs, and

(3). Ask for forgiveness. It does NOT require that the other person grant that forgiveness.

When we are sincere, but direct amends for forgiveness are not possible, we should simply “let go” of the burden we have been carrying around, and resolve to do better in the future in our interactions with others. A tranquil mind is the first requisite for good judgement. Good timing is important in making a mends and the need of discretion. Amends begins when doing AA/NA program with the readiness to take consequences of our past & take responsibility for well-being of others is the spirit of the 9th step.

Probably there are still some misgivings. The question of how to approach the person we hated will arise. It may be they have done us more harm and, though we may have acquired a better attitude toward them, we one still not too keen about admitting our faults. Nevertheless, with a person we dislike, we take the bit on our teeth. It is hander to go to an enemy than to a friend, but we find it more beneficial to us. We go to them in a helpful and forgiving spirit, confessing our former ill feeling and expressing our regret. Perhaps we have committed a criminal offense which might land us in jail if it were known authorities. Although these reparation take innumerable forms, there are some general principles which we find guiding. Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what personal co-sequences may be. We may lose our position or reputation or face jail, but we are willing. We have to be. We must not shrink at anything.
The chances are that we have domestic troubles. Perhaps we are mixed up with women in a fashion we wouldn’t come to have advertised.

NOTE: Remember, all amends doesn’t have to be and can’t be done all at once. Making amends is a slow, gradual process.

PROMISES

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through:

• We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

• We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

• No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

• We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

• Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

• Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

• We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? I think not. They are being fulfilled among individuals—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if you work for them.

Spiritual Principles

In the Ninth Step, we will focus on humility, love, and forgiveness.

The humility we've gained in this step has resulted from getting a good look at the damage we did to others and accepting responsibility for it. We acknowledge to ourselves, "Yes, this is what I've done. I'm responsible for the harm I caused and for making it right." We may have been led to this awareness by the experience of having someone tearfully tell us how much we hurt them. We may have found ourselves on the receiving end of some hurt we had inflicted on someone else, and been so jarred by such an experience that we were able to see on a deeper level how we hurt people. Then again, it may have been only the process of the previous steps, coupled with the experience of making amends that led us to experience increased humility.

It becomes much easier to practice the spiritual principle of love in Step Nine, though we've probably been working on practicing it throughout our recovery. By this time, we've eliminated many of the destructive views and feelings we had, making room for love in our lives. As we become filled with love, we find ourselves compelled to share it by nurturing our relationships and building new ones and by selflessly sharing our recovery, our time, our resources, and above all, ourselves with those in need.

As we experience being forgiven, we begin to see the value in extending that to others. This motivates us to practice the spiritual principle of forgiveness as much as possible. Recognizing our own humanness gives us the capacity to forgive others and not be as judgmental as we have been in the past. It becomes second nature for us to give other people the benefit of the doubt. We no longer suspect vile motives and sneaky conspiracies are at play in every situation over which we don't have full control. We're aware that we usually mean well, and so extend that belief to others. When someone does harm us, we’re aware that holding resentments only serves to rob our own peace and serenity, so we tend to forgive sooner rather than later.